Asking About Sex & Growing Up A Question-and-Answer Book for Kids

Growing up is confusing. Between changing bodies, new emotions, and whispered playground rumors, kids are often left with more questions than answers. Joanna Cole’s Asking About Sex & Growing Up: A Question-and-Answer Book for Kids is a compassionate, straightforward guide that demystifies puberty, relationships, and sexuality in a way that’s both educational and reassuring.

First published in 1988 and updated over the years, this book remains a trusted resource for parents, educators, and—most importantly—kids navigating the awkward but essential conversations about growing up. But does it hold up in today’s world? Is it the right book for your child? Let’s dive in.

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Unlike traditional narratives, Asking About Sex & Growing Up is structured as a straightforward question-and-answer guide. Cole presents real questions kids might ask, such as:

• "What is puberty?"
• "Why do girls get periods?"
• "What does sex feel like?"
• "Is it normal to feel confused about my body?"

Each question is answered with clarity, scientific accuracy, and a reassuring tone. The book covers anatomy, emotional changes, reproduction, and even touches on topics like consent and peer pressure. While it doesn’t delve deeply into gender identity or modern LGBTQ+ topics (a slight limitation we’ll discuss later), it provides a solid foundation for understanding basic biological and emotional changes.

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Since this is a nonfiction guide, there aren’t traditional "characters," but Cole’s voice is crucial. She writes like a wise, patient adult—neither overly clinical nor uncomfortably casual. Her tone strikes a perfect balance:

• Reassuring – She normalizes awkward feelings, emphasizing that everyone goes through changes.
• Factual – She avoids myths, using correct anatomical terms (e.g., "penis" and "vagina" instead of euphemisms).
• Respectful – She acknowledges that some topics might feel embarrassing but assures kids their questions are valid.

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Cole’s writing is:

✅ Simple but not simplistic – She explains complex topics (like hormones) in digestible ways.
✅ Illustrated for clarity – The book includes tasteful, anatomical drawings that aid understanding without being graphic.
✅ Conversational – She anticipates follow-up questions, making the flow feel natural.

One standout technique is her use of "What if…?" scenarios (e.g., "What if you’re not ready for changes but your friends are?"). This helps kids relate the information to their own lives.

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Beyond biology, the book subtly reinforces important life lessons:

• Body Positivity – It emphasizes that all bodies develop differently, and that’s okay.
• Consent & Boundaries – Early discussions on respecting personal space and saying "no."
• Emotional Intelligence – Validates feelings of confusion, excitement, or fear about growing up.

These themes make it more than just a sex-ed book—it’s a primer on self-respect and healthy relationships.

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As someone who grew up with vague, awkward "talks," I wish I’d had this book. Reading it as an adult, I appreciated:

• The lack of shame – Unlike some older guides, Cole doesn’t treat puberty as something secretive or embarrassing.
• The pacing – She introduces heavier topics (like pregnancy) only after establishing foundational knowledge.
• The inclusivity – While not exhaustive, it acknowledges different family structures (e.g., adoption).

That said, I noticed a few dated elements:

• The book leans slightly heteronormative (e.g., framing crushes only as boy-girl).
• Gender identity isn’t explored in depth (though later editions may address this better).

Still, for its core purpose—explaining puberty and reproduction—it remains one of the best introductory guides.

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How does it stack up against similar books?

• Vs. It’s Perfectly Normal (Robie Harris) – Harris’s book is more detailed and inclusive (covering LGBTQ+ topics), but Cole’s is more concise for younger readers.
• Vs. The Care and Keeping of You (American Girl) – The American Girl series is great for body positivity but avoids sex entirely. Cole’s book fills that gap.

If you want a short, straightforward primer, Cole’s book wins. For broader inclusivity, you might supplement with Harris’s work.

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✔ Clear, respectful tone – Perfect for kids who need facts without fluff.
✔ Practical Q&A format – Mimics how kids actually ask questions.
✔ Balanced approach – Neither overly clinical nor too casual.

✖ Somewhat dated – Could better address modern LGBTQ+ and gender topics.
✖ Limited depth on emotions – Focuses more on biology than psychological changes.

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Ideal for:

• Kids ages 8–12 (before or during early puberty).
• Parents who want a neutral resource to supplement "the talk."
• Educators looking for a classroom-friendly guide.

Not ideal for:

• Kids who need advanced info on gender identity or sexual orientation.
• Readers who prefer narrative-driven books (e.g., memoirs about puberty).

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"Your body belongs to you. No one should touch you in ways that make you uncomfortable."

"Puberty isn’t a race. Some kids start earlier, some later—both are normal."

These lines encapsulate the book’s empowering, reassuring approach.

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Originally published in the late '80s, this book was groundbreaking for its frank yet age-appropriate approach. At a time when many schools avoided sex ed, Cole gave kids a reliable source. While some language feels slightly dated today, the core message—that growing up is natural and questions are okay—remains timeless.

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Asking About Sex & Growing Up isn’t flashy, but it’s reliable, clear, and kind—exactly what kids (and parents) need during confusing years. If you’re looking for a no-nonsense guide to puberty, this is a fantastic starting point.

🔗 Get the Book: Amazon

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• What was your first puberty book? How did it shape your understanding?
• How do you think modern sex-ed books could improve?
• Would you prefer a single comprehensive guide or multiple age-specific books?

Let’s chat in the comments! 📚💬

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